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• (650): View more from California

  I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  whose parrot is this?

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry

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• (438): View more from Quebec

  I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis

  (1-438): View more from Quebec

  He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.

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• (567): View more from Ohio

  she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??

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