Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
