well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
