So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
