Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
