so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
