Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth

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(860): He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth http://tfl.nu/3n80

Replies (54) Good night (774) Bad night (10488)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.

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(507): So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game. http://tfl.nu/nypl

Replies (58) Good night (847) Bad night (3906)
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(540): View more from Virginia

just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever

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(540): just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever http://tfl.nu/k011

Replies (34) Good night (7744) Bad night (1072)
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(708): View more from Illinois

If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.

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(708): If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal. http://tfl.nu/hb9y

Replies (19) Good night (4778) Bad night (1479)
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(206): View more from Washington

All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.

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(206): All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came. http://tfl.nu/je3h

Replies (8) Good night (4591) Bad night (998)
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(260): View more from Indiana

ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.

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(260): ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me. http://tfl.nu/9s81

Replies (4) Good night (1360) Bad night (950)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.

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(252): If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech. http://tfl.nu/hajp

Replies (7) Good night (1999) Bad night (616)
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(408): View more from California

I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.

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(408): I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident. http://tfl.nu/gd86

Replies (6) Good night (2206) Bad night (746)
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(365): View more from

James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.

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(365): James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations. http://tfl.nu/tgs7

Replies (9) Good night (2154) Bad night (736)
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(561): View more from Florida

There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door

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(561): There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door http://tfl.nu/csf9

Replies (3) Good night (784) Bad night (510)
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(303): View more from Colorado

If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you

(303): View more from Colorado

Seriously. Castrate.

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(303): If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you (303): Seriously. Castrate. http://tfl.nu/qjql

Replies (4) Good night (696) Bad night (954)
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(845): View more from New York

I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.

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(845): I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it. http://tfl.nu/kwag

Replies (2) Good night (1449) Bad night (518)
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(208): View more from Idaho

That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.

(208): View more from Idaho

Especially drunk mermaids.

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(208): That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck. (208): Especially drunk mermaids. http://tfl.nu/soai

Replies (8) Good night (1334) Bad night (470)
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(702): View more from Nevada

I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.

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(702): I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics. http://tfl.nu/p59u

Replies (2) Good night (379) Bad night (584)
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(310): View more from California

Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.

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(310): Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick. http://tfl.nu/d1a6

Replies (1) Good night (403) Bad night (599)

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