hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
