obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?