I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.