last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I could tell my life story through kermit memes