Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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