I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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