I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize