Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
