You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
