I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize