I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My pussy is not your playground.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
