Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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