shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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