Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
