O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
