I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you win again, gameday.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
