You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
