it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
