I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
