I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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