Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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