You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
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I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
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"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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