I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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