My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
