i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
