I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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