I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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