hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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