umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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