Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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