cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
