I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
