You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
