cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
