watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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