We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
