The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
