I just made out with a guy for $7.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
