he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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