another moral hangover. fuck.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
