Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
