someone get that fucking seahorse.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
