I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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