You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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