If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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