I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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