Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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