It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
