New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
its liver damage thursday
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
