I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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