lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
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I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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