I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
