Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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