You're completely useless in the revolution.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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