I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i've created a new STD.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
