I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
