Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize