I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
