Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
