Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think my moral compass just broke
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