Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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