smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Cover your peen. We're going out.