I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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