Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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